The A4 Shortlist -
December 2023

 ‘I suppose I want to fix him,’ she told Richard, her therapist. ‘But mainly, I just really fancy him.’

‘But you know he isn’t real?’

Yes I know he isn’t fucking real, she didn’t say.

Listen: in my job, you have to read people all the time, and she caught my eye immediately. I would have chosen her for a random spot check, if you know what I mean.

Did you know if you wear red to a wedding it means you’ve slept with the groom before? 

I find that out from a woman I think is your aunt. 

The bright red LobStars logo taunts you. It’s a lobster. It’s holding a whisk in one claw and an Oscar in the other. It’s starting to fade because you wash it at too high a temperature, but it’s the only way to get the smell out.

 I decided to take a walk. I thought maybe I’d pass by our old bars. Or the shopping centre where we used to lift our outfits. The drain that Polly and Millie once took turns throwing up into.

Our first date was in a Coffee Shop called Espresso-Yo-Self. In the flesh, he was slight, many years younger than me and had the air of a clown without make-up.